Friday, 13 July 2012

Change, my dear, and it seems not a moment too soon

So for those still watching - this Wednesday I signed my permanent contract of employment. So I am now employed for at least another 6 months. all the hard work and fighting my corner has worked.

Its very much been no news is good news for me. I have worked really hard to make myself indispensable and vital to the company. Its a company growing and increasing its profits and business areas. The tasks should get more interesting and varied over the next few months. Its all very exciting.

During this time I've had very little anxiety and it all has given me a lot of confidence and stability. I still have a lot to work on in my personal life and habits to drop but its a giant step forward/

So I am going to change my attitude to the blog a little. It will still chart my anxiety ups and downs but also will focus more on the gigs I go to, music I listen to and the like. I want it to be a little happier and forward looking.

This is also in part due to the demise of the mighty Word magazine whose own blog community has been my main home away from home for 4 years now - great people both on and offline. I posted the following video as a tribute to the place but it was also for something else.

A friend's flatmate died last week and its been very hard for me to get my head around.

I can't say that he was a friend of mine. I probably met him maybe a dozen times but he struck me as a man with a good generous heart and a real joy for life.  I have been very fortunate in that apart from my grandparents, everyone I have been close to through my life (so far *touch wood*) are still around. I think its the sudden ending of the life of someone so, well, alive that has bought me up so short, I'm a godless heathen child, I don't believe in an afterlife, this is it, this is all there is for me. So death and finality are rarely that far from my mind if I'm honest. Those long dark teatimes of the soul at 3am can be so tough.

I don't think all this will make me live each day like its my last etc but it really has reinforced in me that we never know when our or our friends time is up. We should never take our friends for granted and let little petty arguments be the last thing we say to someone. Don't just assume that your friends know what they mean to you as it will be the one thing you wish you'd said to them when they are gone. 

So I'll leave you this and wish you and yours all the best.
"For one day you are here, and the next you are gone
Every horse has its year and every dog its day, my son
So the only thing to feel sad about is
All the dogs and the horses you'll have to outlive
They'll be with you when you say good-bye"

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