So, fresh from my second CBT session so thought I'd get some things down before other things (like the end of Sunday's Sherlock - wha' happen?) get in the way
I've come to realise that I have a fear of fear so If I take that fear away there will be nothing to fear
So on my upcoming trip to ver 'pool these are my various fear points
1) Travelling to and from - having a panic attack that depite knowing is harmless will require medical help.
And we'd be on a motorway\road\miles from help. Which I don't need and would do no good even if it were right next to us all the way. Just writing that feels so dumb but these are the thoughts that drive the panic.
2) having a PA whilst walking round on guided tour of cultural hotspots, making a tit of myself and feeling embarrassed and pathetic
3) Same with Mingle itself
4) Having PA whilst at hotel and therefore - see 1
Now all this is completely irrational. I'm going to work hard on facing up to it all before the trip in various ways. AVOIDANCE will not happen! However an ace up my sleeve is that at all times I will be with people who know this stuff and know all I need is to calm down and take it easy. I hope I will not need their assurances but know that they will be there if I need them
I don't want to have to rely on anyone to start coping with all this and changing my ways but I must have faith in people more. I ALWAYS fear the worst and worst ALWAYS does not happen. There is a lesson there.
There may be moments of uncomfortableness on the way but will not feel as bad if I avoid things and let the anxiety stop me. If I keep repeating that I may start to believe it.